I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
