My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
