hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
