Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Randomize
