we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
