mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
