Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
