I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize