Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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