Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize