You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
