I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
