even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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