I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize