she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
