i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
