I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
