Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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