So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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