I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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