I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
