So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
