I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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