oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
