just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
