I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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