Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
