dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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