I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
