Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
