Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
