also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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