im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
