i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
