She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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