WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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