I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
