My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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