A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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