He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
