Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
