tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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