Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
