i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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