I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
