Where did you get a picture of my penis
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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