you traded sex for a burrito?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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