alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
