My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
