My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize