just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
