K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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