I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
