just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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