I smell stomach acid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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