I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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