I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
