i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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