Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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