do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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