you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
