One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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