rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
