Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
