Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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