i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
