There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
