thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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