i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
