i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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