If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
a search helicopter?!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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