I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
