so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
