DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
