Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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