No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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